I feel envious whenever my friends would receive an award, an appreciation and gifts. But, I never failed to congratulate them whenever they did. I feel happy and jealous. Never did I experienced in my life, my teachers ever appreciating me and encouraging me but received nothing but a rotten smile and a "better-luck next time."
I've given them my best but I guess, as what a particular song says, "my best wasn't good enough." I wish that I would be there with my friends and classmates up on the stage sharing the spotlight and shouts of joys with them. But what can I do?..there's nothing else that I'm capable of doing other than dreaming. It has been my past time and my everything... because that is what I am...a dreamer and no one else. I know how to sing but they are better singers than me, they sing songs following the rhythm and tune, not like I. I enjoyed dancing my way in and out but never did I surpass them that lived their life through dancing. Acting has been one of my passion but there are people who are more recognized in that category than I. I suck! There's nothing I can do...
I never did excel in my studies because of mathematics and my dumbness. It has been a burden in my life since I entered high school. there is none to teach me not even my mama for she knows nothing about it aside from loving. I hate being the tail... I wish to be someday the head. I envy those who are known for what they are good in. I wish I was also on their shoes.
Whenever I strive hard to reach those dreams, I fall down to the earth's pit, showering me with shame and shouts of criticism, hate and nothingness.
What's good in me anyway?
Nothing, I guess, I may have the talents, a little brain and the skills but no one did I surpass. When will I be recognized? When will I be on top? When will I be the star?
i understand your feelings, i was like you when i was young, maybe worse? a teacher told me to just open my mouth to pretend I sing but not to utter a sound otherwise i will influence all the rest with my out of tune voice. i was happy for all my classmates who were achieving great, i had talents, but just could not be at the top, but not at the bottom either. at least, you are striving hard, my teacher told me before to compete with myself, but not with others. anyway, later in my life, slowy i see and learn to recognize where i could be good at that others can't. should you have some problems in math, feel free to email me and i may be of help to you. at least i am glad you like chemistry :)
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Hi! Don't fret those are things that everyone has gone through but you have to be strong in managing that phase in your life. I was once that way too, worst I had no friends during my earlier years in school. Everything can be learned -- i admit I was soooo poor in Math I had a tutor but right after being tutored I forget everything. My dad had no patience in teaching me and during the few times that he did he would call me stupid and other names. But then as I grew up I discovered things about myself that are good, there are things I can do pretty well that others can't. It's just a matter of discovering what it is. I discovered mine a little late but it was fine. I was good in singing and expressing myself through acting. But my mom kept on discouraging me so I stopped dreaming of being a singer. Now I realise that I should have followed that dream but on the other hand I am not complaining being where I am. There was even a time when ( i have 2 sisters) I would arrive home and both my sister are out on a date and I had no one. I felt I was the ugliest amongst my sister. Look at yourself the way you would like others to see you. Keep dreaming! Look in the mirror and say your mantra that everything is going to work out well for you. Have a positive mantra in life! And always pray...
ReplyDelete@ betchai
ReplyDeleteIt's sort of unfair..huhuhu..I really felt neglected back then..It was so sad..and I dun want to remember it anymore..but, maybe God Has something for me..maybe he wants me to understand certain matters first before he'll give me what I dreamed and longed for my whole life. Just like what you said, at least I strive hard..it's worth it- Everything is..
Maybe all I need to do is to never lose my trust in God..
&& is it all right if I asked you something about mathematics?..i'm really having a hard time in that subject..but Chemistry is no problemo..i love it^^..
@ enid
ReplyDelete^^ thanks enid for those encouraging and spirit-filled words. I maybe on the bottom part of everything,,but someday..I will soon reach my dreams. i will never stop dreaming even if I'll fall..God will be there to catch me..^^..It's sad to hear that your mommy discouraged your dream of being a singer..my mommie keeps on encouraging me day by day..but I may have a low self-esteem that is why I don't care much on what she says..&& i am not different from u when it comes to mathematics.. I admit it..Everytime my teacher teaches a new lesson,, it would enter my mind at first,, then goes out in my other ear..What a shame.. T_T..I will never stop praying..I promise!!..God is the only one I could ever ask for help..God Bless You Betchai and Enid!!..
hey, don't be sooo down...
ReplyDeletedon't worry because the Almighty has given every one of us special talent/s.
maybe you haven't found it yet... but you will dear...
its something you will discover.
take care, ganda!
Lollii, you will discover that hidden talent when it's time... and you will excel on it like what you always wanted! be patient and have faith in yourself... and, never give up on your dreams! :)
ReplyDelete@ sis bonz
ReplyDeletemaybe that's what God wants for my future..sigh~..maybe,just, maybe my day will come..not now..not this very time but maybe tomorrow and the days after tomorrow..
Thanks for encouraging me sis Bonz..!!
God Bless You Always and Take Care!
@gmg
ReplyDeleteThank you gmg..I'll always pray for that day to come..God will still abide me..as a grow..
I'm happy that you're there to comfort me..You guys keep on encouraging me..^^
God Bless Guys and Thank you Very Much..~♥
hi... guess what? i just gave you an award! hehe... check it out on my blog... hey, i like your blog and the way you express yourself here. there's still a lot in store for you. Just continue enjoying life and there's a lot more to discover and explore! Not a lot of people write as good as you... way to go gurl!
ReplyDelete@ ate ally
ReplyDeleteyey!!I'm glad I have an award!!..
It made me feel happy to know there are people who like the way I write..Ureshi yo!!(i'm glad)
i like ur blog too..Will visit it from time to time.
God Bless Ate Allena~